Democrats Freak Out Over Funding Fourth Shot

According to the White House, the United States does not have sufficient funding for purchasing fourth doses of the COVID vaccine.

According to White House COVID coordinator Jeff Zients, the Biden administration allegedly “[doesn’t] have enough money for fourth doses, if they’re called for.”

“We don’t have the funding if we were to need a variant-specific vaccine in the future,” Zients whined.

The Biden administration has ostensibly secured sufficient fourth doses for Americans over the age of 65, as well as an initial treatment for children who are under the age of 5.

However, should fourth booster shots be recommended for the general population, insufficient funds remain for purchasing fourth doses for the remainder of the country, if needed.

The money that had been allocated to fourth booster shots is currently stalled in Congress due to ongoing disputes over excessive government spending. In general, Republicans are averse to passing bills that will stimulate additional government spending, a running theme of the Biden administration.

According to a senior administration official in the Biden White House, insufficient funds are available “for a fourth booster dose for everybody.”

“If we need a variant-specific vaccine, we don’t have it,” the anonymous administration official boomed, “it’s very important that people understand the implications of not providing additional funds,” the official continued.

The Republicans, on the other hand, would prefer for the COVID relief spending that has already been approved to be “clawed back” from various states to cover the new costs of fourth booster shots.

However, Democrats insist that additional government spending, coupled with higher taxes, are “desperately” needed.

“We desperately need this,” Senator Richard J. Durbin declared.

“I’m worried we’re going to have a hard time,” Representative Pramila Jayapal chimed in.

“Vaccines don’t just appear when you snap your fingers and say, OK, I want the vaccine. We’ve got to make it,” a senior White House administrator continued, “and this year, it’s going to be more complicated, because there’s a very significant chance … that the vaccines [will need] to need to be [adapted] to cover omicron.”